


it's alright, it's okay

by flyingroses121



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: 10 points to the first person who can find the mother mother lyrics, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Monster Jon - Freeform, slight angst, soft, tw for suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23870794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingroses121/pseuds/flyingroses121
Summary: ((read the tags on this one folks!))Jon thinks he's a monster. Martin has a few things to say about that.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 17
Kudos: 140





	it's alright, it's okay

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote and edited this all in one night. i went through the entire this is mother mother playlist on spotify. enjoy!

Jon hadn’t had a statement in weeks. He let out a strangled sigh, hunger and Hunger ate away at him, as he tried to ignore the Beholding’s urges.

No matter what he did to keep the thoughts away, images flashed through his mind of him taking a poor, unsuspecting person's statement. Someone at the supermarket maybe, shopping the day after their paycheck. Maybe the cashier, who just wanted to do their job. Maybe a coffee shop patron, on their way out after picking up their usual. The thought of the fear in their eyes, the shudders in their breaths, the tremor in their voices…

Jon was laughing. He didn’t even realize. He covered his mouth when he noticed before letting out a breath as he closed his eyes. His two normal eyes. The other eyes, which were peppered everywhere else on his body, stayed wide open, looking around wildly for things to See.

He couldn’t stand being like this. He spent almost every waking moment wondering if he was even fit to live anymore. Being this… monster. That’s what he was. He was a monster. He was a monster, and he didn’t-

“Jon, I brought you some tea!”

His thoughts were broken by Martin walking in, steaming cup in hand. Jon looked up, eyebrows raised. “Oh, Martin. Hello. Put it on the desk.” He gestured to a free space with his pen before looking back down at… whatever it was he was doing before his crisis.

Martin could tell something was off. “Are you alright? Need anything else?”

“I’m fine. Thank you.” He didn’t look up.

“Jon.”

He knew that tone. The tone that was thrown at him whenever he was doing something destructive. The tone that was thrown at him when Martin knew what he needed, but he didn’t. The tone that he always listened to.

The tone that made him fall in love with Martin Blackwood a little more every time he heard it.

“I, ah… it’s hard to explain.” He put his pen down and gestured for Martin to sit.

Martin did so without a moment of hesitation. “Try me.”

Jon felt a weak smile push onto his face. “It’s… avatar things.” Jon leaned back in his chair and wrapped his arms around himself. He wished they were Martins. “I need to take a statement. A live one. Reading them isn’t helping, for some reason the Beholding wants something live. I don’t want to give in, I don’t want to feed it, but…” he took a shuddering breath, “Martin, I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t.” He let out a dry laugh.

Martin’s brows furrowed as he listened. “I’m sorry. Is it… painful?” Martin asked as he pulled his sleeves down.

“Somewhat? I mean… not in the sense you’re thinking of. I don’t hurt, per say, but I… ache. The Hunger is stronger than regular hunger, and it consumes my thoughts.” He sighed softly. “I… I’m sorry. You probably didn’t want to hear all of that.”

Martin let out a huff. “I asked, Jon. I’ll always listen to you. Don’t forget that.” He moved the chair closer, the legs of the chair scraping the floor and leaving new scuff marks on the floor. “You know, taking a live statement once in a while is okay. If it helps the Hunger. You can use statements to stave it off until it becomes absolutely necessary that you need a live statement.”

“Martin, I can’t.” Jon slowly shook his head. “I would never forgive myself if I got… out of control again. It can happen. I could go in a shop or on the street, expecting to take one, and end up taking ten.” He laughed once again, his hands gripping his arms. “I can’t do that. I can’t.”

“With every mistake comes a lesson.” Martin said. He wanted to round the desk, to take Jons hands into his, to hold him close. But he didn’t. That could come later. “You know how to control it better now, right? It’ll be okay.”

Jon was already shaking his head before Martin had finished speaking. “No. No. I can’t risk it. I’m a monster, Martin, I wouldn’t know-”

“Stop it.”

Jon looked to Martin, his grip on his shoulders loosening. “What?”

Martin sighed and shook his head. “You aren’t a monster. You need to stop saying that.”

“Why? It’s the truth.”

“It’s-” Martin took a breath to calm himself down, “it’s bullshit. You aren’t a monster. You’re a human who made a few mistakes. You're not gruesome, you’re human.” He said.

Those words struck a chord with Jon. After spending all of his time demonizing himself and calling himself a monster, something about Martin saying that made his eyes well up with tears. “I’m trying.” His voice was quiet, but it was as loud as it could go at the moment. If he spoke any louder, he would sound hysterical.

“I know.” Martin’s voice was equally as soft. “I know, and I love you.” A warm, comforting smile spread across his lips.

That did it. The tears spilled over like a waterfall, cascading down his cheeks and onto his sweater. He hid his face in his hands, suddenly feeling too exposed to face Martin. He sat there, taking in ragged breaths and sobs. He started to shake at one point, his fingers pressing hard onto his forehead.

After what felt like ages, he felt arms around him. He uncovered his face to see Martin, on his knees on the ground, arms around Jons middle and his head resting on his abdomen. Jon felt instantly calmer. He put his hands on Martins head, running his fingers through his soft, curly hair.

Jon allowed himself to enjoy the moment with his partner before speaking again. “Would you mind if I stayed at your place tonight?”

“Of course not, darling. Gather your stuff, we can go home now.” Martin answered without skipping a beat.

When Martin said home, Jon smiled. A genuine smile. The first one he’s felt in a while. “Let’s go, then.”

**Author's Note:**

> like my work? consider commissioning me! message me on twitter (@pinkstarrrs) or tumblr (@flyingrosess) for more information!


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